Pain

Lately I've been doing a lot of doodling on my iPad. It's my way of getting my feelings out without typing. I guess I could use a pen and paper, but this is more convenient and I'm not wasting one hundred pieces of paper everyday. This one I did the other day, and even though it's simple, I feel like it pretty much sums up my grieving.

I miss her every single day. No matter how many tears I cry the pain will never full go away. Yes, I feel a sense of relief sometimes after I cry, but the dull aching pain is still there, and will always be there. Unlike the pain of a paper cut that will heal or even the pain from a bad breakup, I will never fully recover, I will never just get over it and move on to the next one that comes along.

I don't cry everyday now. I have many days where I'm able to joke and smile and not shed a tear the entire day. But the pain is still there, and on days when something triggers my pain it can still feel as strong as those first few days after we lost her. I really hate being in so much pain, but I take comfort in knowing my pain is because I love her and miss her that much. I hope she knows that. My tears aren't because I am weak, they are tears of love.