Everyday I take Mariah to daycare I have to walk by the first classroom... The infant room, where Evangeline should be dropped off. Most days I keep my face straight forward because I know looking in that room won't be easy. But some days I can't help but take a peek through the window and get sad while I watch the teachers rock and play with the little babies.
Last week a dad dropping off his child held the door open for me on the way into daycare. His child was in an infant carrier. I glanced down at the little boy. He was about the age that Evangeline should be. I couldn't help but wonder if they would have grown up to be friends at daycare... or maybe that little boy wouldn't even be at our daycare because Evangeline would have already taken his spot.
A month ago I picked Mariah up from daycare just before closing time. Near the end of the day the kids are all put into the same classroom, usually it's the school age classroom. That day I walked around looking for her and a teacher said, "Oh, Mariah is in with the babies!" I wanted to scream. Why in the world would they put her in that room knowing she is still trying to understand why her baby sister is not here, and knowing that I will have to go in there to pick her up? I got her out of that room as quickly as I could but it was so hard to not breakdown and cry right there in that room.
People think this gets easier, but that's not the case. There will always be these reminders for me.