Yesterday I finally packed away everything that was laying around Evangeline's room. The only things left in her room are the crib which is still set up with bedding, and the rocking recliner. I still sit In her room throughout the day... But now it feels so empty in here.... In more ways than one.
The room itself is empty since I cleaned up all the clutter. It was actually good to make one of the rooms in our house look half decent since I haven't been good at cleaning at all this last month. But the reason why it got cleaned up still hurts.
Even though I left the bedding on her crib, the crib is still empty... There is no baby in it to make it look used. It still just stands in her room with no purpose. And although it makes me so sad that it doesn't have a purpose I know there is absolutely no way I can take it down. That would make me feel as though I'm pretending she didn't exist, and she did, if ever so briefly. So as sad as I get when I see an unused crib in her room, I will not take it down and put it in the garage. I will continue to sit in her room and talk to her, and hope with all my might that she hears me somehow.
Everything about her room is empty: no baby clothes or toys scattered on the floor, a crib without a baby to fill it, and a momma with empty arms...