Tuesday, October 8, 2013


There is such a sense of emptiness after pregnancy. When my older daughter Mariah was born I found that I missed being pregnant. I missed feeling her little feet kick at my insides. It was so nice to feel her in the comfort of my womb. I felt like I could protect her and comfort her in there like nobody else could. I missed that so much, but at least I had my sweet, snuggly baby to love on, so as much as I missed feeling her kicks, it certainly wasn't a downer.

After Evangeline was born sleeping I again had those feelings of missing her little movements inside my belly. But this time, on top of the normal feelings, I also had this huge emptiness. Now I walk around and can literally feel how empty my womb is... That hollowness, that there is nothing in there occupying its space. That might sound weird, because after Mariah was born my belly went back to normal and I didn't notice either way what was going on in there... But now the emptiness is really apparent to me.

I don't know if it's that I'm much more in tune with my body, or just the simple fact that I miss it a million times more because she isn't here, but I feel empty. This emptiness really does a number on bringing me down. I don't want to replace Evangeline, and nothing ever will... But I sure would like to feel like there is a little baby growing in there, instead of just the emptiness that I feel now.

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