Wednesday, August 7, 2013

3 months

Dear Evangeline,

Today you would be three months old. I just wanted to tell you how very sorry I am that you are not here. I'm sorry that I couldn't safely bring you into this world. I'm sorry I didn't make a bigger deal out of you not moving much. I'm sorry I didn't get another ultrasound so they would have seen what was going on. I'm so sorry I let you down.

I wish I got to wake up to your sweet face this morning. At three months old you would be doing so many new things everyday. I'm so sad that you never got the chance to open your eyes and look at your mommy, daddy and big sister who love you so much. You never got a chance to coo, smile or giggle... The things that show our happiness in life. I hope you at least were happy and content while you were alive in my tummy.

I hope you understand that I would have done anything to have you here. I just never in a million years thought it would end up this way... Everyone made my pregnancy seem so perfect and nobody voiced any concerns... So I just thought everything was normal, even with your not so frequent movement.... Nothing bad would ever happen. I'm so sorry I was wrong. I would trade places with you in a heartbeat. I at least got 27 years on earth, you didn't get one minute... Not one minute for you to experience the world and not one minute for the world to experience your beautiful presence. Those of us who held you, and loved on you got to experience the beauty you brought into this world, but I wish the whole world could've experienced it too.

I miss you so much it hurts. Everyday it hurts. My heart aches without you here.

Love you forever,


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