Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Pink toenails

A few days before Evangeline was born Mariah and I pretended to be princesses and put makeup on and painted our toenails hot pink. I knew we only had a few weeks left until we had our baby and figured Mariah and I may not get a chance to enjoy moments like that as much, with a crying baby and all.... So I soaked up the moment.

After Evangeline was born sleeping, I remember staring down at my hot pink toenails sticking out from the blankets in my hospital bed. In the less than 24 hours we stayed at the hospital, I stared at my toes numerous times. It was easier to focus on the vibrant, happy pink nail polish than it was to face the questions from nurses, and the reality that my baby was born but not alive.

It's been over three months and I have not yet repainted my toenails. At this point there is very little pink left on the tips of my toenails... After all toenails grow significantly in three months... But I refuse to use nail polish remover on them or paint over them... That pink nail polish helped me get through the hardest day of my life and I can't erase it.

Soon however, there will no longer be anymore hot pink nail polish left on my toes and it will just be another reminder of how excruciatingly long it has been since I got to hold my beautiful baby girl.

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