A vow to my baby

Dear Evangeline,

Today I woke up and decided that I am going to try my best to have a good day. I am going to play outside with your sister and enjoy the warm weather. And I want you to know that this isn't because I'm not hurting over losing you anymore. I still hurt and ache for you everyday.

I have come to the realization that if you can't live then the least I can do is live for you. If you can't smell the flowers, I will smell them for you, and tell you how lovely they are. If you can't look at the stars in the sky at night, I will look at them for you. If you can't play with your big sister, I will play with her, but I won't ever let her forget about you.

You see, mommy spent many days during these last few weeks in bed just wishing you were here, but that didn't bring you back. If you can't live and I just lie in bed all day and am not fully living then I'm cheating you. Some days I know it will still be incredibly difficult to face the world, but I will try my best for you.

I miss you so much my sweet girl.

Love you forever and ever,
Mommy