Dear Evangeline,
Last night I slept in your room on the rocking recliner. When your big sister was a baby that's where I used to wake up and rock her multiple times a night. I would sing songs to her, and snuggle with her. That recliner is where I had hoped to do those things with you. But now all I get to do is sit there, cry and try to sleep.
I wish more than anything I could rock you in that chair. I wouldn't mind waking up multiple times a night. The exhaustion from being up so often with you would be worth it. It would certainly be much nicer than the exhaustion I have every morning from not sleeping well because I miss you.
I know other moms have the right to vent, I just wish I could gently tell them to enjoy those sleepless nights. Enjoy every second of it. I would give anything for those kinds of sleepless nights. I wish I could be a tired mom whose baby was keeping her up all night, rather than the tired mom who misses her baby.
Tonight I will sleep on the recliner in your room again. I will sing to you, shed a few tears, and pray I get to see you in my dreams.
Love you forever,
Mommy
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