Holidays

Dear Evangeline,

As the end of the year approaches so do all of the holidays that come along with it. And to be completely honest, I am not looking forward to the holidays this year. I don't want to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving or Christmas without you.

I already had a Halloween costume for you to wear. You were going to be a little duck, and I was going to stroll you from house to house while your big sister trick-or-treated. Daddy would hand out candy at our house for a while and then we would switch and daddy would take Mariah to some houses while you and I sat on the front porch.

Thanksgiving last year was the day that your daddy and I announced you would be joining our family. We said Mariah was thankful to be a big sister in May. This year we were supposed to be thankful that you were here with us... And instead I don't really have anything that I'm thankful for this year. This year has been awful.

Christmas is usually my favorite time of year. I love the music, food, decorations, and happy atmosphere. Call me Scrooge, but this year I just want to hide inside the house and not deal with any of it. I will still enjoy watching your big sister open her presents but I will be sad at the same time. Your closet is full of toys that Santa was supposed to bring for you this Christmas. They have been  there since January.

I had so much of your first year already planned out and now I just have to walk by those "baby's 1st" holiday bibs trying not to cry, because these are supposed to be YOUR 1st holidays too.

I wish you were here for me to snuggle on the special holidays, and every ordinary day too.

Love you forever,

Mommy