Sunday, September 8, 2013

4 months

Yesterday was four months since we brought our Evangeline into the world.... And today is four months from the very last time I saw her, the very last time I held her, and the very last time I kissed her as I was wheeled out of my hospital room, out to the car that was supposed to be her ride home too.

Yesterday we went to a family member's wedding.... So we were easily distracted from the significance on the day. But I still thought of my girl often throughout the day, and I still let my mind wonder about how big she would be and what she would be doing at 4 months old. I was so happy to be at my cousin's wedding... But it was still really hard, because instead of people coming up to ask to see pictures of our baby girl and ask how big she was getting we had a few people who came up to say sorry to us, and say they were thinking of us. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad they talked to us and brought her up, I just wish we were able to talk about my beautiful girl under different circumstances.

Today I keep thinking about how hard it was to leave her side 4 months ago knowing it was forever. I can still remember holding her little fingers in my hand, dressing her in her beautiful blue and white gown, kissing her forehead and falling asleep with her in my arms. I worry that as the months and years go by these memories will fade and I will have very little of her memory to cling to. In the future, even if it's difficult to remember the details of my short time with Evangeline, I hope I will always remember the emotions... The love I felt in holding her and the heartache I had in leaving her side, because both show just how much she means to me now, and always will in the years ahead.

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