Today I finally transformed the yellow room upstairs from Evangeline's room into Mariah's playroom. I carefully boxed up all of Evangeline's belongings that were laying inside the crib, put all of the bedding into a bag, and dismantled the crib. I cried as I looked through her things, and again as I took each piece of the crib apart knowing that it didn't need to be used.
It was so incredibly hard but I know it was the right thing to do. Mariah's kitchen set and easel sat in our garage the last year because we didn't have anywhere in the house to put them. Evangeline's room has been empty and I knew that by putting toys in there Mariah hasn't been able to play with would bring a little bit of joy back into that room. I left the rocking chair in there because I know I'll still use that room for my quiet time and to think of Evangeline, but at least the room will be used for more than just that now.
Ryan questioned it and said "why are you taking it down when we'll probably just end up putting it right back up?" And believe me, I hope that's the case, but right now we have at least another 9 months before we'll need a crib up there because we aren't even pregnant yet, so at least the room will be of use for now. And maybe not having the crib there will help a little... Trying to conceive after our heartbreaking loss is very stressful and I'm hoping this will help ease the pain of having an empty room... Although I know my heart will always ache for all of the hopes and dreams I imagined for that room.