An ocean of grief

I feel like I've been in a shipwreck in the middle of the ocean.  It's as though I was enjoying a trip at sea over eight months ago when all of a sudden a violent storm came crashing in and pummeled the boat. In the days following I needed to find something to keep me afloat. Little pieces of hope, people throwing me lifelines were the only things that could save me.

Eight months later I have days where I feel like I'm peacefully floating on a raft and there are bits of sunshine that peek out from behind the clouds. I try to soak up the sun and tell myself that there is a world of sunshine to enjoy and maybe I'll eventually find my way back to land... back to the world I knew before.

But there are still very dark days too. There are days when I feel like my raft is gone, and I've struggled for far too long to stay afloat. I fight and fight but I'm too weak and am beginning to drown. I pray for something, someone to pull me back up as I'm slowly sinking beneath the water... My lungs starting to fill with water.  I need to find a way out of the depths of the ocean. Today is one of those days.